Tag Archives: overcoming fear

A Day With An Angel


A Day With An Angel

I pick up the phone and dial your number

On this special day I always remember

I wish you would pick up the end of the line

So I could tell you how grateful I am that you’re mine

But all I have left of you now

Are the memories and lessons that you handed down

The pictures I have of your beautiful face

Are all memories now, another time, another place

I’d give almost anything to hug you once more

I wish there was a way to knock on heaven’s door

Just know that I love you my beautiful mom

And I’m very sad, that you are really gone

There are many who say you are always by my side

But I can’t see you, so I’m afraid you must hide

I wonder if somewhere there a magic concoction

A visit to heaven just might be an option

But until I find it, this will have to do

A make-believe day, just me and you

We’ll sit in the sun and drink our sweet tea

But when others will look, they’ll only see me

While you are dancing all around the moon

I will dance with you, in my living room

I’ll sit in the hot tub with my bottle glass of wine

And tell myself stories, “remember that time”

You take a ride on your horse to the sunset

I’ll tell my kids of the cowgirl they’ll never forget

We’ll talk about books and have a good time

Even though the only voice I’ll hear will be mine

But mostly I’ll cry and I’ll swallow my pain

Because I know on this earth I won’t see you again

I’ll forever enjoy these days with you, Mom

For inside my heart you’ll forever live on

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A Strong Woman

This Past weekend I had the honor of watching my sister Graduate from college.  I am so very proud of her and her accomplishment.  It was amazing to see her cross that stage and to watch the eyes of her children glimmer with pride.  I wrote this poem for her when her daughter was born and I think it resonates today as she shows her children what a strong woman and wonderful mother that she is.  Congratulations on your graduation Dear Sister!

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A Strong Woman Some Day

I’m having a girl, are you sure? Check again;

I said to the doctor one day.

Whatever am I to do with a girl;

I understand boys and their play.

I don’t understand dresses and curls,

Dolls and things that are pink.

Or what to do when my daughter’s makeup,

Takes up the whole bathroom sink.

I don’t fix cute hair with ribbons or bows,

Or even ponytail curls.

I don’t wear eyeliner or stuff on my lips,

I just don’t understand this about girls.

I know I’m a girl and I should understand,

But these things are not quite me.

If I raise a girl and she learns what I know,

These are the things she will be.

She will always be strong and stand up for herself

no matter  what the price.

She will make others laugh and have their back

And will always have plenty of “spice”.

She’ll fix her own walls, and tires and doors and,

Won’t have to ask for a hand.

She’ll depend on herself and she’ll do just fine

She won’t have to rely on a man.

She’ll believe she is strong and that she has worth,

In everything just because.

And sometimes she won’t and I’ll catch her fall,

See, that’s what a mother does.

She’ll know how to laugh and smile with joy,

And I’ll hug her and hold her each day.

So when she is older and these times are gone,

I will know that she heard me say:

I love you, my darling, my baby, my girl,

Thank you for choosing me.

You knew when I didn’t, how great I could be

Thanks for believing in your Mommy!

For you and your brother are my greatest gifts,

The blessing I feel every hour.

And to teach you to be a woman who’s strong,

I am your mother and I have that power.

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Writing (Pitch) Contests From a New Twit

I recently discovered this medium called “Twitter”.  I know, I am way behind the times, but I always told myself a) I am not a Twit, and b) I don’t have that much to say. However, remember that writing conference that I recently attended?  In my moments of being brave and all that I could be I met one very kind person named Rae Chang.  She taught me a little something about Twitter in just one sitting.  See Twitter, isn’t always about what I have to say, but it’s about listening to what others have to say.  Listening-that’s my forte-I got this.


So I started Tweeting.  Where an author is concerned-it is a very, very useful tool.  Through Miss Rae I found a contest called “Pitch Madness.”  If writing contests were a dance, Ms. Brenda Drake, she would be the Belle of the Ball (along with her team-I am sure she would say.)

This contest included my submission of a 35 word pitch and the first 250 words of my manuscript.  I sent in my work and waited. Checking twitter every few hours, following new people in my same position, making connections and friends.  All was said and done, and I didn’t make the cut.  I had already learned so much though that it was okay.  It was worth it.  I received some feedback on my pitch and found that those involved remembered my story, and better yet-they liked it!  I even received a surprise email request from one of the agents in the contest.  I was elated.  This didn’t mean that I was going to get a deal, but it did mean that someone, outside of my family think my story just might be interesting.

Pitch contests may not be for everyone.  I like feedback. I know that failure is really just a setback on a long journey. A no-just makes me push harder.  These types of contests work for me, but I can see how they may not for others.

Pitch Madness was followed up with a Twitter Pitch Party where I constructed a number of 140 character pitches. I had, said pitches, scheduled to go twice per hour, only to learn that for three full hours, not a single pitch was sent (My lack of Twitter knowledge).  Ah shucks.  I had to revisit and send them manually-learning along the way.  The result-three requests and a slew of  new acquaintances. I may not get an agent from either of these contests, but for me HOPE is worth a lot.  I learned that my story does have a place and more than that-that I can be picky.  I can select only the right person or the right publisher for my book-someone that most likely participates on Twitter.  The reach is amazing.

In closing, Lessons Learned By This New Twit:


  1. Writing (Pitch) Contests can be fun, even when you fail.
  2. Getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new/nice people is really worth it.
  3. Being a Twit, isn’t quite so bad.
  4. Business and Marketing exist in Authorship and I got this.
  5. One day, my name will be on a published book! (How can it not with all that I am learning)
  6. Just because my story isn’t right for one person, doesn’t mean it won’t be for another.  (Keep that feedback coming)


Thank you so much Brenda Drake and the entire team at Pitch Madness.  What a wonderful learning experience for a new author like me.  A special thanks to Rae Chang for her kindness during a very scary experience-it may not have been much for you, but it changed my whole outlook on what being an author really means.  Your kind words led me to Twitter and Pitch Madness. Pitch Madness gave me hope.  You gave me hope! Thank you!

Oh, and Twitter, that’s my new medium. I am now an expert-I invented that place!  (okay not really-but one day)


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God Don’t Make No Mistakes

My daughter was born with a cleft lip.  When I found out, I was terrified.  It was the unknown and the concern for her happiness, not just her health that kept my heart in my throat for months.  I am embarrassed to admit that I found myself asking, “Why her? Why me? Why us?”  It was so huge.

I am now on the other side, and here, I carry power.  The power of knowledge that everything is going to be okay.  That we can do this! But in that moment, before the knowledge, I doubted my own strength.  There was a time though, that I finally realized something amazing.  “God Don’t Make No Mistakes.”


I have a very dear friend that is going through something very similar right now, only bigger.  She is such an amazing soul.  She has been my friend forever, from the time we were in diapers.  I love her.  It is through her that my message has truly been confirmed.

She, I will call her Tammy,  was always the person that chose others before herself.  She was always kind even when she didn’t agree.  She was one of the first to call me and check in after Sidekick 1 was born and always has kind words of encouragement.  When we had different friends and different groups, I could still call her my friend and I know she would agree.  She has friends for days with good reason.  She is beautiful and smart-the whole package.  Why her?  Why her baby?

Life isn’t fair.  But one thing I know for certain is that her baby is one lucky little angel.  What better place for that child to be than in the arms of my friend Tammy?

Through her, my friend, and the angel my life has already been touched.  What an amazing soul.  Thank you for reminding me.

I may not be perfect. I may have some bad days mixed in with the good.  I may doubt myself and my ability to be the best mother for my children.  Sometimes I may find myself asking the question, “why me?” when things get hard.  I am realizing even more every day though that I was made just for my children.  Every choice, action, and even hardship has made me the person and mother that I am.  I am one of God’s perfect choices.  I was made to be the mother of my children and that is powerful.  It is with great honor that I say, “Thank you for choosing me.”

My friend Tammy: There would be no better place. I believe that.  I’m here for you.

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10 Tips for a Great Interview

Following up on last weeks 10 Tips for a Great Resume post, here are a few more tips to helping you land the job of your dreams.

1-From Head to Toe, It all Will Show. You must look the part, from your head to your feet.  This includes your hair style and your shoes.  Yes, they will notice the dirty old converse shoes with your nice tie, and they will know that the shoes, are probably the real representation of what you will dress like everyday.  What they won’t know is where you got your clothes, so head on over to a thrift store and find something that looks nice.


2-Shake Like a Fish, for a Job You’ll Still Wish.  Start the interview right, with a firm confident hand shake.  Don’t crush hands, but show you belong there and that you believe in yourself through all of your actions.  If you are struggling with your own confidence, reach deep, practice in the mirror and find it.

3-From First Sight, They’ll Know if You’re Right. First impressions are real.  I knew within the first minute of the interview if I was going to hire that person or not.  I can only remember 2 times where I changed my mind because the interview didn’t match my first impression.  It matters-get it right.  It’s okay to be nervous, but be confident and believe in yourself. (It’s harsh, I know, but it is true.  I did change my mind though, so don’t give up if you think you may have bombed)

4-A Sentence or Two, and That Will Do. When asked a question, answer it.  Give an example if you can. Then end.  Trust me, the more you talk, does not make you look smarter or more fitting for the job.  In fact, the interviewer probably has a full day of interviews to check off their list, and they have already made their mind up about you (see previous).  Don’t be the person that puts them behind schedule because they are too kind to cut you off.  An indicator that you are talking too much:  the interviewer is doodling on a notepad because they are bored, or you having to ask them to repeat the question halfway through your own story.  Keep that positive impression rolling with your task oriented-to the point-answers.

5-Research and Know, Before you Go. Know what you are applying for.  Make sure before you show up that you have read the job description and understand the tasks.  Take time to get to the know the company and make sure it is a good fit for you. This will also help you as you prepare for the interview to emphasis your skills and talents that match with the company vision. It is a good idea to have a couple of questions to ask at the end, in relation to the company, but certainly isn’t required.

6-At Five To,,,, The Late One is You. Be ten minutes early.  This shows it matters to you. It also is a representation of future performance.  This is a big deal, so when asked in the future to do something important, this shows you will make it happen. Truthfully, they most likely won’t know you were there early, however, they will know if you are late, and just on the off chance they are ready to go a couple of minutes early and you aren’t there….then they notice.  Don’t take that chance.  Be early, it helps your confidence, nothing worse than feeling rushed to add to the level of stress. Traffic does happen, and if for some reason you are ill prepared: Call and let them know you are running late.

7-If You Can Do It, Prove It. When asked a question, always (within a reasonable amount of sentences), give an example of a time when you have done something similar or applicable. It is a good idea to have ten great examples of things you have done above and beyond, prepared and written down prior to the interview, this way, when asked a question you can choose from one of those ten which applies to the question.  If you think about it, you can probably make it work by focusing on different parts of the activity.  This shows application skills, hard work, and can be a time to show off your awesomeness!

8-I’m not weak, I’m an Improving Freak. You will most likely be asked for your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.  We all have them.  When asked what your greatest weakness is, make sure you answer in a way that also highlights your strengths, example: “My greatest opportunity is time management, however, I am aware of this and have made great strides to improve. Some of the ways that I have found work for me is by utilizing my outlook calendar and creating task lists on my desktop with sticky notes that I get to check off when I complete it.”  See-we all have “opportunities” but this is an example of showing improvement.

9-You Got This Far, Now Be a Star. Getting the interview is the hardest part.  There is a reason you are here-so believe in yourself and your abilities.  If you don’t think you can do the job, it will show.  Likewise, if you know you will be great, they will see it in all that you say.  Apply above what you have done in the past, and challenge yourself to improve.

10-If You Choose to Lie, It Probably Won’t Fly.  Nobody is perfect.  You are looking for a job for a reason, know what that is.  Hopefully, it is because you want to improve and this position is up from where you are.  If you have a track record of job hopping, maybe you need to look at yourself, honestly.  If you lie about where you have been or what you have done, it will come out in your job performance if not in the interview itself.  Don’t be that person, instead honestly look at your past and come up with some examples of what you have done well and stick to it.  Believe in a better future for yourself and become it.


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My Ten Moods, Oh, and Then There Is Me

It has been said that women are moody, inconsistent, and certainly hard to read.  I have taken classes and read many books on the differences between men and women.  I have seen countless ideas and suggestions on how to better communicate and improve relationships.  Much of them, I have found to be useful.  Why is it then, that we as women are built this way?   Why am I so moody?  Why can’t I just make up my mind and stick with it?

I think I figured it out, well maybe…

The decision to be a stay at home mom was a very difficult one for me.  I loved my job.  I loved the people that I worked with and I loved challenging myself.  I loved my children more.  I found myself at work, wanting to be home.  Needing to see their faces and know what they were doing.  I felt displaced.  So, my husband and I decided to take the jump and this is where I found that moodiness, can actually be a gift, dare I say, my survival. Luckily for me, he supports and understands me-no matter what.

Within a day I have found myself trying to walk just four steps across the kitchen, but failing to do so because of the small paperweight perfectly placed between my legs wrapping his chubby little meat clamps around my thighs.  I have had to end a telephone conversation due to incessant crying of a tired baby or the ever present full fist shoved carelessly in my mouth(and down my shirt).  I have had to peak out of the shower to put shoes on a doll, and been woken up 13 (+) times in one night because of a scary dream about a skeleton.  I need a break.  I need some time to myself.  My husband offers that I go and do, and how do I respond…”It’s okay.”  Why?  Because even though I am about to pull the hair right out of my head, I love these sidekicks so much that even when I am away for just 2 minutes, the silence about chokes me.

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I lost a dear friend recently.  It made me sad for him, but the thing about loss, it also brings back every other loss that you have had and I couldn’t help but think of my mom.  I miss her so much.  The news came in the middle of the day.  Just me and the sidekicks at home.  I shed some tears and was encouraged by my sidekick number 1.  She sings a pretty good “be happy” song, and then hands me a Barbie to play.  I’m breaking on the inside, but this sweet little angelic soul just makes me the happiest mom in the whole world and I am overwhelmed with being blessed too. I feel them both, at the same time, and equally.

Cleaning the house often consists of  sweep, sweep, “stay away from the doggie door,” sweep sweep, “oh no, not another spilled cup -stay off of the counters,” sweep sweep and so I find that at the end of the day, I am proud that I was able to sweep the whole floor, (even if the first half probably needs to be done again).  It is an accomplishment.  Go me!  I had a shower, I swept the floor, and the kids are alive-I am the best mom in the whole wide world!!  (someday’s that’s about it).  Compare that to my previous job where I was accomplished, awarded, successful, and really felt that I mattered everyday.  I may not even remember some of the techniques I once used when I finally return to work outside of the house.  I traded all that for my sweeping success?  Yes, yes I did, and I would do it all over again for those sweet smiles and “I love you”‘s, but I still miss it and sometimes want that too.

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I have to be moody, because I am full of emotions.  100 different emotions battling inside me at any given moment.  I need this ability.  I need to be able to feel everything or I am afraid I would crumble.  This is the gift of a woman.  The gift of a mother.  It is the reason that I am able to hold a crying baby in the middle of the night, covered in puke or diarrhea and think-“Thank you, God, for this blessing that is mine.”  It is the only way that I spend 24 hours in a day in only the company of two sidekicks under 5 and say, “Please, bless them with safety that I can do this all over again tomorrow.”  It’s the only way I can get up on only 4 hours of sleep and still smile and say, “Where’s my kiss princess, and I love my little man,” and mean it.

I have to be moody.  I have to change my mind, because I am choosing someone else (my family) over my needs, and I want to, but sometimes it is a battle.   By choosing their needs, they become mine.  I am changing.  I am so much more now, because of them and the choices I have made.  If I didn’t have the ability to do this, inside of me, pre-wired, I wonder if I would have been able to make these decisions.  Would I be good at this new job?

All at the same time: I want them to grow to be respectful, kind, and happy, but I want them to stay my tiny little kids too.  I want them to learn to sleep through the night on their own, but I want them to still run to me when they have a nightmare.  I want to take a weekend and get some peace and quiet, but I don’t want to miss a single important thing-like tucking them in at night. I want to read my own book, but I also want to see their faces when I tell them a story about a Llama. I want to still learn and grow and achieve, but I want to be the one to see them reach their next milestone. I am battling every day.

I am embracing my gifts and talents in very unique ways.  I am seeing how things that once were a hindrance can play a role in my life.  I am realizing more every day, as I watch the perfect souls of my children, how we are made, just…..as……we…..should…..be.  I AM WOMAN (WO-MOM), HEAR ME ROAR!

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Remembering Who We Are

One of my very cute cousins inspired me today. She is darling, with an infectious laugh and tons of personality.  She also loves dragons-so what’s not to love about this lady.  Ms. Dragoness herself recently completed this beautiful work of Art.


Isn’t it Lovely!

So is she, and whats so great about this painting is that she just decided to start doing it again.  I for one am so very glad that she did.  Like me, she remembered something that she once loved doing.  She got so busy working and being a totally amazing mom, that she forgot to make time to keep her art alive.

It was so hard for me to get out there.  Hard for me to say, I wrote this, and I hope to get it published one day.  What if I don’t.  What if I told all of these people about something I wanted to do, and I fail?  I worry about this all the time,  but thanks to Ms. Dragoness, I am reminded that I am writing because I love it.  It was something that mattered to me once, and still does.  It has become an outlet for me in so many ways.  I have also been able to meet great people and even make attempts to open some doors for others in the process.  Maybe, even if I don’t get where I want to go with my writing, there is something more in store for me.

Ms. Dragoness, you are an example to me.  Reminding me that we always need to find time to do the things we love, to share our inner creativity.  I challenge each one of you to remember something that you …once loved to do, that you haven’t done in a while: sports, writing, reading, painting, or music…anything… just see how it makes you feel.  Let me know how it goes!  I hope you find that it is just as much fun as you remember it being.

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Finding Courage in the New Year

My family and I recently went to the movie Frozen.  As we left the movie theater my daughter ran in circles flinging her hands into the air as if she was Elsa and had the power to freeze things.  She was unaware of the gawking eyes that followed her every move.  I watched this angel in awe.

As you know, I want to publish a book.  I am already an author as I write and have completed manuscripts, but I want to actually have my book published.  I am afraid though.  Afraid of what people might think of me, and what they might feel.  What do they say about my writing in their own homes, I wonder.  This blog is the first step in the direction of losing my fear.  I sat with my mouse hovering over the post button the first time I shared something that I wrote and questioned my own abilities.  I thought of my mini Elsa and clicked the button.


Now, I hate to admit, it is still not easy. I am still fearful of what others think. I wish it were not this way and I wonder how this is happens.  My young daughter loves to sing.  She loves to share her art and creativity with the world.  She is so confident in her abilities that she once asked me, “Mom, do you think Jewel is mad at me?”  I asked her what she meant by that, to which she responded, “Well, I can sing better than her, but she is pretty good too.”  Will she loose this too?  Did I once love sharing my words?

So in my New Year I will make a resolution to find my courage.  The courage to believe in myself.  To find joy in my own art and to share it with the world, no matter what they might think.  I may never reach the place where I wonder if Lisa Gardner is mad at me, but I sure hope I can overcome the point where I wonder if others will like me.

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