Tomorrow is a very big day. This is the day that my first-born child will start Kindergarten. It is monumental. I am so proud of her, so excited and so utterly terrified all at the same time. Tonight I sit and think about all of the moments in life. All of the things I have taught her, or hoped to before she started school and I am faced with the feeling of complete and utter inadequacy. I can only hope that many other parents have also felt this way. I hope I am not alone.
I think of all the things I have hoped to teach her .
I hope she loves herself most of all. I hope she has enough love and enough confidence that she will be strong and happy against all odds. I hope she will always see her worth and value.
I hope she knows that I love her. I hope she knows I am proud of her and on her side no matter what. I hope she always talks to me about things the way she does now. I Hope she will trust me as I do her and that this will never change.
I hope she keeps that personality that makes her so uniquely her. She is so fun and so genuine and so full of life. I hope that never changes and that she keeps that piece of her and that she doesn’t conform and become a part…too much.
I hope she is happy. Everyday I hope she feels more joy than any other feeling.
I hope she minds her manners and always shows respect. I hope she remembers these lessons. I also sit here hoping that maybe some of these manners and lessons that I have tried to undo over the last couple of weeks also stick. You know like…always say excuse me when you fart…changes now as you see your child going out into the world to…only say excuse me if others can hear it and know it will be you.
I hope she doesn’t get teased. Please oh please let them be nice to my baby.
I hope she doesn’t cry. She is so sweet and so kind and I don’t want her to feel broken. I want her to feel amazing and wonderful, because she is exactly that. Amazing and Wonderful!
I hope she succeeds and learns so much. I hope she loves school and wants to go back every single day. I hope she thrives and grows and becomes an even more amazing and wonderful contributing human being.
I hope she makes friends. Good friends. The kind that stick.
I hope she misses me a little. I hope she thinks of our time together with fondness. I hope she remembers the good things we did together and not all of the moments that I wish I could change. I hope she is happy with our time and doesn’t feel shortchanged. In these moments I wish I would have spent more time, done more things, or been more. But I still remember (because I promised myself I would) that in those moments I was doing the best I could at that time. Tomorrow I can try better.
I hope she is kind to others and is the one who helps build another up. I hope she shares and makes others laugh because that is what I see in her. That is what I know she can be.
I hope I prepared her for the world. It starts tomorrow. So young. All the lessons I taught her and hoped to prepare her for I realize tonight I did not. There are too many that a mom can’t teach. We can’t teach them all of the lessons because we don’t feel the way others in the world feel about our child. We love too much.
I just hope she holds onto that confidence and that love and remembers tomorrow when she is just a small girl in a great big world that she matters. Her spirit is big. Her heart is fierce. She is Amazing and Wonderful and she can do hard things.
Be kind to my girl big world. Her momma loves her so.